Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of actor Ethan Slater, has opened up about the emotional turmoil she experienced following their 2023 divorce, providing an intimate look into her life and thoughts. In a candid essay published in The Cut on December 19, 2023, Jay reflected on her journey through heartbreak, the collapse of her marriage, and the public fallout that followed.
Lilly Jay: A Clinical Psychologist and Advocate
Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development, was married to Slater for five years before their separation in 2023. Born on July 17, 1992, Lilly Jay is currently 32 years old. She studied at Amherst College and later worked as a psychologist at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Jay, who has also been involved in advocacy work, is recognized for her commitment to raising awareness about sexual assault. Notably, she spoke at the White House in 2014, addressing the issue of campus sexual assault in front of then-President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden.
Though Jay’s professional life has been centered around supporting others, her personal life took a difficult turn in 2023. Jay and Slater, who were high school sweethearts before marrying in 2018, share a son born in 2022. Jay’s essay detailed her experience of becoming a single mother while grappling with the collapse of her marriage. Despite the emotional challenges, she remains committed to co-parenting with Slater, emphasizing that their shared love for their son remains unchanged.
The Divorce and Alleged Affair
The timeline surrounding Slater and Jay’s divorce has been a subject of speculation. In July 2023, Slater filed for divorce from Jay, just weeks after reports surfaced about his new relationship with Wicked co-star Ariana Grande. Grande had recently separated from her husband, Dalton Gomez, in January 2023. While sources have suggested that Slater and Grande’s romance blossomed during filming for Wicked, rumors of infidelity and an affair began to swirl, especially when photos surfaced showing the pair getting cozy in public.
In her essay, Jay did not directly address the affair rumors but alluded to the emotional impact of the situation. She confirmed that, in the months leading up to their separation, she had moved to London with Slater to support his career. However, she expressed that she had been too focused on motherhood to notice the growing distance between them. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time,” she wrote.
In a statement to Page Six shortly after the divorce was announced, Jay noted her frustration with the situation, commenting that she felt like her family had become collateral damage in the public’s fascination with Slater and Grande’s relationship. While she didn’t explicitly confirm an affair, her words implied that the media portrayal of the situation had deeply hurt her and her family.
Ethan Slater’s Perspective and Public Reactions
Slater, who gained fame for his role in Wicked, has expressed how difficult it has been to balance his career with his personal life. In a GQ interview from October 2024, Slater described fatherhood as the “best thing in the world” but also emphasized his desire to protect his son’s privacy. While Slater has remained mostly tight-lipped about the specifics of his divorce and his romance with Grande, his public statements about fatherhood suggest he is trying to navigate his new life with care.
Grande, who has been involved in her own public relationship drama, denied rumors about the timeline of her relationship with Slater during an interview in February 2024. “There’s like an insatiable frustration, inexplicable, hellish feeling with watching people misunderstand the people you love,” she said. Grande has refrained from commenting further on the details, opting to keep certain aspects of her personal life private.
Jay’s Life After the Divorce
While the public scrutiny around her marriage and divorce has been overwhelming, Jay is focused on rebuilding her life. She shared in her essay that she believes a “lifetime of sweetness” awaits her and her son, despite the challenges they have faced. As a clinical psychologist, Jay has worked tirelessly to help others and has found solace in focusing on her professional life and advocacy. Her work, especially her contributions to the It’s On Us initiative, has had a lasting impact, and she continues to be a voice for those in need.
Jay’s advocacy and work with survivors of sexual assault have been a cornerstone of her career, and she hopes to continue this important work. Despite the personal heartbreak, she has turned to her career and motherhood as pillars of strength.
A Look at the Future
As of 2025, Jay’s net worth is estimated to be around $1 million, a result of her successful career in psychology and advocacy. Her dedication to her family and her work continues to shape her future as she navigates her new life post-divorce. While her ex-husband, Ethan Slater, remains focused on his career and his son, Jay is determined to prioritize her emotional well-being and that of her child, forging ahead with resilience and strength.
In her essay for The Cut, Jay closed with a powerful statement: “Days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.” As the media continues to focus on the drama surrounding her ex-husband’s new relationship, Jay remains steadfast in her commitment to her family, her career, and herself.
